


Karkat's Bizarre Adventure

by FleetingMadness



Category: Homestuck, JoJo no Kimyouna Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Probably Dead Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-18
Updated: 2012-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-14 12:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/515138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleetingMadness/pseuds/FleetingMadness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I got to thinking a while ago about what would happen if you were to smash JJBA and Homestuck together at high speeds with opposing vectors. So I tried it! The answer: Everyone has stands.<br/>This is largely influenced by a drunk tumblr post by my palemate, and by much sober influence from her.<br/>The title will be less misleading after I actually write a noticeable amount of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Adventure Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just what it says on the tin. Jade has a vision, and everyone has something to say.

gardenGnostic [GG] opened memo on board “hurry and get in you guys” 

GG: hey guys!  
GG: i have some really important stuff to tell all of you!  
tentacleTherapist responded to memo.  
TT: Ah, excellent. I was just about to start a memo. I have some news also.  
GG: oh, cool!  
GG: glad i could help :)  
TT: Shall we wait for the boys, or should we start sharing and let them catch up?  
turntechGodhead responded to memo.  
TG: so whats the deal with the memo jade  
TG: did your dog teleport your couch again  
GG: no!!! :p  
GG: rose and i have some stuff everyone should hear.  
TT: Hello, Dave.  
TG: sup  
TT: I have made several discoveries regarding the…  
TT: Unusual powers we have recently developed.  
TG: thats cool  
TG: so are you actually gonna bestow any of this newfound knowledge on us or what  
TT: As soon as John gets here.  
ghostyTrickster responded to memo.  
GT: sorry i’m late, guys!  
GG: hi john!!!  
GT: my dad decided that it would be an excellent fatherly lesson to teach me how to fix a hole in the wall.  
TG: why is there a hole in your wall  
GT: um…  
TT: Might this be related to the “sweet hammer” you were talking about earlier?  
GT: …yes.  
TG: ahaha  
TG: nice one  
GT: shut up!  
GG: okay guys hey listen up!  
GG: rose and i have some important stuff to tell you guys  
GG: rose you go first!  
TT: Alright.  
TT: After plumbing the untold depths of the internet and consulting various ancient tomes and dark forces for information, I have determined that the powers we have developed are far from unique, and are definitively documented, albeit in rather esoteric places.  
TG: serious question  
TG: was one of those employed dark forces your mom  
TT: Yes. Hush.  
TT: For one thing, I have learned that this power has a name.  
TT: These spirits we’ve been manifesting are called Stands.  
TT: And the fact that we can use them probably means something very bad is about to happen.


	2. The Adventure Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of it. Let's do this.

TG: so how bad are we talking here  
TT: I’m getting there.  
TT: Stand powers normally first manifest in the heat of a losing battle, or under similarly dire conditions. The stress of the situation allows the user to unlock their full potential out of sheer need.  
TT: However, there have been cases like ours, where people have simply manifested a stand without any sort of causal duress.  
TT: In these cases, the subjects invariably had, for lack of a better phrase, a purpose to fulfill. A sort of heroic destiny.  
TT: Rumor has it that such a stand user led to the death of a Japanese serial killer in the 90s.  
GG: wow!!!! :O  
TG: wow thats great  
TG: this is really well timed i was totally just thinking earlier that i havent offed a serial killer in a while  
TG: so wheres this asshole were supposed to take out  
GG: actually, i have something to say about that!  
GG: thats kind of exactly what i wanted to talk about. :p  
GT: oh, did you have another vision?  
GT: that is such a cool power! all mine does is hit things.  
TG: john  
TG: it has a name  
TG: please use it  
GT: no!  
GT: that name is dumb!  
TG: john we worked hard on that name  
TG: well both be offended if you dont use it  
TG: and you really dont want to see freebird get pissed off trust me  
GG: guys, please stop arguing so i can talk  
TG: as soon as john uses his stands name  
GT: ugh, fine, whatever  
GT: all mc hammer can do is hit things.  
TG: thank you  
TT: As of this moment, I am adopting the policy of detonating the computer of anyone besides Jade who messages in until she’s done talking.  
GT: can you actually do that?  
TT: Black Magic Woman has proved entirely capable of remote detonation of objects in my physical presence.  
GT: but not thorugh the internet?  
TT: I’ll find out if you say any more.  
TT: Now Jade, please continue.  
GG: thanks  
GG: so, white wedding gave me another dream vision last night.  
GG: this one was really creepy! there was a man dressed in white and green with a big round helmet, and he was telling a bunch of weird aliens about some master plan he had.  
GG: they were all standing in front of this huge pod that looked like a huge flower bud, and it had this timer at the bottom of it.  
GG: the timer looked like it had about a month left.  
GG: i dont know whats in it, but when that pod opens, something terrible will happen.  
GG: whatever it is, we have to stop it!  
GG: …guys, you can talk now.  
TT: I agree. Assuming White Wedding’s vision is correct, which we have no reason to think it’s not, stopping this catastrophe is very likely the “purpose” for which our stands manifested. It would be both foolish and irresponsible of us to not do something about this.  
GT: i totally agree, but…  
GT: how?  
GT: do we have any idea who any of those guys were, or what they’re doing, or where they are?  
GG: well, i dont really know where they are, but i know where one will be.  
GG: the man in white sent one of them to phoenix international airport.  
GG: he said wed be there, and told him to stop us getting any farther.  
GT: so we find him and get him to lead us to the rest of them!  
TG: nope  
TG: i am not being part of any self fulfilling prophecy bullshit  
TT: Dave, look at the situation.  
TT: We’ve been given a power that very few people ever even learn about. We’ve been presented with an opportunity to use that power to, with all likelihood, save people.  
TT: It would be extremely childish to turn your back on that just to avoid setting up a time loop.  
TT: Besides, it’s not like you have anything better to do.  
TG: a shitload of things are better than setting up a time loop  
GT: come on, man!  
GT: saving the world sound like a lot of fun.  
GT: and really cool, too!  
GG: come on dave! we cant do it without you!  
TT: An accurate assessment.  
TT: It would be extremely foolhardy to underestimate our opponents. They seem to have every advantage over us, so we can’t afford to be at any less than our full strength.  
TG: fine  
TG: okay  
TG: since you guys will apparently be completely helpless without me  
TG: i guess i have to help you save the world or some shit  
GG: yay!!!! :)  
TG: how did we get to saving the world though  
TG: seems like kind of a big jump from “oh some dudes stopped a serial killer once”  
GT: uh…  
TT: It’s not unlikely that whatever is in that pod would pose a significantly greater threat than the deceased Mr. Kira.  
TT: There’s no evidence we won’t be saving the world.  
TT: That being said, it’s not really a conclusion we should adopt just yet.  
GG: i think it sounds fun no matter what were saving! :)  
TT: Wonderful. Then we all agree this is where we should start.  
TT: I propose we separate for the time being, and consider how to approach our respective guardians for the necessary means of transport.  
TT: After that’s done, we’ll try to synchronize our arrivals as much as possible.  
GG: i cant wait to see all of you! :D  
TG: alright then im out  
TG: got an inexplicably loaded bro to find  
TG: and probably get my ass kicked by  
turntechGodhead stopped responding to memo.  
GT: good luck!  
GT: darn  
GT: anyway i’m gonna get on that too  
GT: well, not with my bro, duh  
GT: and i probably won’t have to look too hard for my dad, either…  
TT: Yes, John. We understand the degree to which your life makes more sense than Dave’s.  
GT: Sorry!  
GG: im gonna go now too  
GG: talk to you guys later!  
GT: bye!  
TT: Farewell, to both of you.  
gardenGnostic stopped responding to memo.  
ghostyTrickster stopped responding to memo.  
tentacleTherapist stopped responding to memo.

 

opened memo on board “FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.”

 

Hello, everyone.   
I saw this board was lying here, and decided I’d just make use of it.  
I’d like you to come visit me. There’s a little situation we need to discuss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as of this final edit to this final posting, Karkat's Bizarre Adventure is officially on. Apologies if you saw this during my horrendous duels with AO3 formatting. It didn't go well. Anyway, next chapter sometime in the next... Ten days? Hard to be sure. Have fun!
> 
> By the way, if you didn't figure it out, highlight the bottom to read it.


End file.
